Monday, March 28, 2011

My Alabaster Box

I have no great epiphany to share, nothing profound to share or no great wisdom to impart that is any wiser from any other woman my age who has lived a little- 39 in case you're wondering, soon to be 40. I have my quirks, one of them is picking songs in the morning to inspire not only my day, but sometimes my kids as well. I have discovered to my delight and bafflement that they really have taken it in and soaked it up. My son (13) is way more into Public Enemy and A Tribe Called Quest than any modern "artist". We like to call him Little Malcolm now cause - yeah- it REALLY rubs off. I drive them to school, the trip takes about an hour and a half. Long way to go we have our reasons and it is working well thus far for them. They are testing this week, so seeing as how they go to a Christian school, I decided gospel to encourage and inspire and pray as they head off for yearly testing that will go on permanent records for people with no clue as to their real potential can judge them. Sucks, but such is life. As usual they were asleep before thirty minutes had passed, but I kept it going, just in case, One never knows what we soak up in our sleep. I know the first chapter of James got me through boot camp so it couldn't hurt.

That's when it came on. A song I forgotten was on the mixed CD I had made. The tears came as I listened, undisturbed by the kids, by traffic, by anything, and for just a moment it was all laid bare. My pain, my joy, my triumphs, my failures. As Cece sang "You weren't there the night He found me.
You did not feel what I felt when he wrapped his love all around me and you don't know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box", all of the things I had buried and hidden deep in the darkest corners of my past came tumbling out. I felt the price of every wrinkle, every gray hair I have thus managed to hide reasonably well, all the wrong turns, the bumps in the road, and most of all the burdens I took on that I didn't have to was right there.

I know the costs, and I have paid them. In some ways I will keep paying them for a while. But you know what? It has brought me to the here and now. I'm not the frightened little girl with stars in her eyes I once was. I'm not the person who lost herself so busy trying to be the perfect wife and mother. I met myself again on the road today. Nothing has changed, no great insight has come to me. I just accepted me and the price I have paid to find the me I lost for a moment. There is no Prince coming to save me, but I don't need one. God has given me all the tools I need to save me. No earth shattering miracle may happen between now and my final rest, but I have had miracles along the way. I may not be where I could've been, but I learned what I needed to learn, and I am learning still. More than anything though  I realize the costs of the oil in my alabaster box.




17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beautiful blog about your Alabaster Box.

Desta said...

Hi Shara:

A very good testimony. It is a bright pick me up to my day.

Be Blessed.

Shara Azod said...

Thank you both so much for reading it. I am so glad Desta it picked you up.

JayhaLeigh said...

Okay of course you know I want to call up your mini you and trade lines from Tribe songs being that Tribe is one of my all time favs...
"All the time, Tip?"
"All the time, Fife?"
"Then bring the Resurrector and give the dead some life."

It was ironic that those were the first lyrics that tumbled out when I read that line...and then I got to your personal testimony and was wowed about how right on time they were. There might not be a prince on a white horse coming to save you (but what about Prince from Minnesota singing)...
but a Prince (your brother Jesus) came before and saved us all.

That was moving...inspiring...Thank you for sharing.

Elle D Hayes said...

Beautifully said. You may think you have no great wisdom to empart, but I beg to differ. The wisdom is in your testimony.

JM Powers, Author said...

Lovely and truly inspiring post. It is the first time I heard this song... absolutley lifting.
Thanks for sharing. <3

R.W. Shannon said...

sometime it's during the quiet moments that we find our greatest strength. thank you for sharing.

ps. DIBS on Prince from MN. :-)

Shara Azod said...

@Elle that was about the sweetest thing I have heard all day. Thanks chick!
@R.W. hey I dibbs him way, way back. But he is a freak so we are probably sharing without knowing.

Shara Azod said...

JM I am glad you liked it. The first time I heard it was when my baby sister sang it believe it or not.

Serenity King said...

Hi Shara,

I LOVED this post and it is so on time. I listen to this song all the time. My daughter did a praise dance off of it.

Your personal testimony made me cry. I think so many of us have an alibaster box of tears, sorrows and much more stored on a shelf. God is just waiting on us to release them at his feet.

God Bless!

AuthorGuru Novellette said...

Hi Shar,
I am so happy that you've reached that special place where peace dwells, where you accept the things that happened; the things that are happening and the things that can possibly happen.
Peace is such a wonderful place to be. You know I'm praying for you and cheering you on in future "knocking down the walls and building bridges" moments.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful, beautiful. And Guru added so rightly that it was so powerful coming from a place of peace.

Shenika said...

Good Mornin', I enjoyed readin that, as much as, I enjoy readin ur books. I don't know u, but readin that I feel like u just gave us alil bit of u and thank u for that. It truly lets us know that awesome authors like urself are real ppl too w/ real ppl issues. My gospel song of choice is "Hold on Change is Comin" by the Mississippi Mass Choir. I listen to that wheneva I need a pick me up and it works like magic, for me. Oh, and I hope ur baby does well on his test. I also have a 13 yr old. Thank u again for sharin.

Shara Azod said...

Thank you guys so much for reading and sharing in my "moment". I really appreciate all your comments and encouragement.

Diana said...

Shara I'm not a blogger and I don't know why I opened this email from your Yahoo group but I am glad I did. Your words are God inspired my sister because my sister-in-law just died suddenly of a brain anuerysm on Monday, March 28th. Your words and this song have soothed my grieving heart and even as I weep for her death I rejoice in the love of my King, my Master, My Joy, My Redeemer, my Saviour, My LORD Jesus Christ. Thank you for being the vessel used by GOD to soothe me and my husband as we listen again for the 6th time to this song.

Anonymous said...

AWESOME!!!

Happy Easter!!! This has made me remember sooo much! Jesus Lives!

Marissa said...

Hi Shara-

I can't tell you how much you have touched my heart with your words. I sooooo needed to hear this song today...to be reminded of the One who died for me...who will carry me when I can't walk on my own. The Lord sure knows what we need and when we need it!

So, I do have to say that I humbly disagree with you when you say that you have no wisdom to impart. Your ability to write in a way that can elicit an array of feelings, is truly extraordinary. Thank you for sharing something so personal and beautiful, helping me to know that it's okay to make mistakes...that I'll continue to make mistakes, BUT He's wrapped His loving arms around me and I'm gonna be okay.

Many blessings,
Marissa